these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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