My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
