Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
