SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
