You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
