I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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