I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
