she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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