i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize