Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
