At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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