Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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