if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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