he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
