He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
