i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
