I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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