Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
