you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
