Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize