he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
