Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
