i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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