i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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