I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
