And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
