im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
