dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
