Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
