dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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