I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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