I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
