Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
