And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
