Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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