just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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