I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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