Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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