Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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