I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
