I want to make a zoo with you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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