the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize