Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
