the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
