youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
