I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
