You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
