after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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