You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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