i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
