Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
