There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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