All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
