Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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