just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
