he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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