You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
