my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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