ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
