I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The air was thick with penises
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
