We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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