just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
