my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
