Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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