there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
