i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
